When you are trying to nurture intimacy, it’s helpful to understand where your partner is particularly vulnerable and where he/she is relatively secure. For example, your partner may be sensitive to comments about her weight but secure in her academic skill. Or, he may be confident about his athletic skill but sensitive to being called a “dumb jock.” Being aware of this variation in sensitivity can help you navigate the soft or more vulnerable topics without triggering fear of rejection and the associated decrease in intimacy/willingness to be vulnerable.
Of course, this idea of a vulnerability map means nurturing intimacy becomes more complicated. To make matters worse, any vulnerability map probably needs updating over time as sensitive areas shift. Have faith though that the goal is not perfection and dialog and forgiveness can go a long way in helping both partners create and modify their respective vulnerability maps. No one said nurturing intimacy is easy but the benefits certainly are greater than the challenges.